The Harvest
by kendramccormick
Summary: A parody of the SAW movies. A mysterious serial killer known only as the "Reaper" strikes Springfield. Can Sideshow Bob, Snake, Bart, and Lisa unmask him before they become the next victims?
1. Chapter 1: Fear the Reaper!

**Chapter 1: Fear the Reaper!**

**Disclaimer: The Simpsons, unfortunately, isn't my property. This is a SAW parody. This was originally going to be Act III of _My Treehouse of Horror_, but it started getting long, so I gave it its own story. **

"Wake up, Barney."

"Whah?" says the alcoholic. Bernard "Barney" Gumble has no memory of the night before. He belches.

He sees a talking skull on a large television screen. How drunk is he? "Hello, Barney. For practically all of your life, you have slowly been poisoning yourself with beer, wine, and any other form of alcohol you could obtain. You disgust me. You will be in an early grave if this continues, which it will."

"But now you must face the consequences. You see, if you don't escape from this room in thirty minutes, you will have a dangerous amount of alcohol injected into your bloodstream. It will kill you instantly. So get out if you can, Barney, and don't try to drink any of the glasses of Duff on the floor. Only one of them isn't poisoned."

Barney looks around the poorly lit room. There are several doors in the wall and mugs of Duff on the floor. _Don't drink it, Barney, _he tells himself. _Don't drink it! Remember your AA meetings._

He tries a door. Locked! He tries another. Also locked! He tries to open a third. Success!

He's free! He grabs a mug and downs it. With his luck, it's the one that's not poisoned. "Take that, talking skull!" And then he falls over dead. The skull chuckles in its deep, warped voice. "Such greed. . ."

The next morning, Chief Wiggum finds the body. They notice the word "REAPER" written on his back in blood. Homer, Lenny, and Carl take off work for the funeral. The other Simpsons, as well as Moe Szylak, Sam, Larry, Barney's friends from his AA meetings, and his ex-girlfriend Chloe Talbot also attend as the beloved town drunk is laid to rest.

"So, boys, who do you think killed Gumble?" says the Chief.

"I don't know, Chief," says Lou.

"Yeah, this doesn't fit the profile of any known murderer," says Eddie.

"Maybe we should check out the Mob," says Lou. "We could see if they had any reason to whack him."

"OK, I think Fat Tony is at his second cousin's housewarming tonight," says the Chief.

That night. . .

**(Warning, this will get kind of gory, so if you are faint of heart, stop reading this NOW.)**

Chester Turley, better known as Snake Jailbird, wakes up shackled to a gurney in the dark. "What the hell?! Like, how'd I get here?" He feels like he is wired up to something. And then something _ZAP!_s him. "Ow! Like, dammit!"

The lights come on slowly. Then a large TV comes on. There is a grinning skull on the screen. "Hello, Chester." He hates his real name. "Oh, that's right, you prefer Snake. A fitting moniker. For you are just as low as one of those slimy beings. For years, you have done nothing but steal from others. You make me sick, Snake, you do. Well, now, I'll steal something from you: your life!" It laughs.

"What the hell are you talking about, dude? Is this, like, a joke, or _Scare Tactics_, or what?"

"I am serious about this. . . _Chester_." Snake snarls. "The device you are hooked up to will electrocute you in fifteen minutes. But I'm giving you a way out. Do you know the expression 'a pound of flesh?' I'm sure a _master _criminal like yourself does. Well, that's what I want from you: a pound of your flesh." Snake sees a butcher knife and a scale next to him. _Whoever this dude is, he's a freaking psycho! _"Are you scared?"

"Yes! Hell yes, dude!" Snake screams.

"I hope you are. You have fifteen minutes and you may begin _now. . . Chester!_" The skull laughs and a clock appears on the screen. It says 15:00 and it starts going backwards. 14:59, 14:58, 14:57. . .

Snake panics. He picks up the knife hesitantly. Wincing, he starts sawing through his fingers on his right hand, because he's left handed. "Like, gah!" There are no words to describe his pain. "Ow! Dammit, _ow!_" This probably hurts even more than his friend Sideshow Bob's face transplant.

Several minutes pass. Snake's arm below the wrist is gone. He sees that he's almost out of time. He rushes and gets rid of everything below the elbow. Then he hears a _ding! _And a green light flashes. The clock has stopped at 00:59. Then the skull returns to the screen. "Congratulations, Snake. You've won. You're the first of my victims to win." The restraints come off his legs. "You are free to go."

Snake heads for the now open door, punching the air with his good arm. "Yeah! You suck, dude! See you in _hell!_" He laughs and covers his stump as he runs away.

"Goodbye, Snake. Why don't you come back and see your old pal the Reaper again," says the voice. The self-proclaimed Reaper laughs and then speaks no more.

Snake runs into the night like his life depends on it. Because it does! As he does, Herman asks him, "How did you lose yours?"He manages to get to a hospital, knock on the door, and pass out due to loss of blood.

"And, last night, there was another attempted killing by the individual now known as the Reaper," says Kent Brockman the next morning. "The victim is local criminal Snake Jailbird, who was found unconscious outside the Springfield General Hospital missing most of his right arm. He is expected to recover. Police still have no leads on his abduction or the abduction and murder of local lush Barney Gumble. Citizens should be cautious yet optimistic, even though we're probably all screwed. This is Kent Brockman, signing off."

"Come on, Lis!" says Bart to his sister. They are aimlessly wandering the hospital while their baby sister Maggie is having a checkup. "I want to raid the receptionist's candy bowl."

"Not now, Bart! I'm listening to a lecture by Dr. Sanjay Gupta."

They hear someone walking behind them. They can't tell, but it sounds like the footsteps of someone with very large feet. Then they see a familiar shadow, one that resembles a six-foot palm tree. "Hello, Bart."

"Aaaaaaah! Sideshow Bob!" scream the siblings.

"How come you never say my name?" says Lisa.

Bob shrugs. He is holding a bouquet of pale pink roses and bright yellow daisies."Old habits die hard, I suppose."

"Well, what's your plan this time, Bob?" says Bart.

Bob grins. "It just so happens that I didn't expect to you see you children here. I came unarmed and without a plan. Although, I'm certain I could think of something. . ." The kids shudder and take a step back. "But the fact is, I'm here on other business." He walks away. Bart and Lisa follow him. They can't explain why, they just do.

He enters a room with a sign that says "Jailbird" on the door. Snake is laying in a hospital bed groaning. His mood brightens when he sees his visitor. "Bob!"

The two men laugh as Bob hugs Snake, who puts his remaining arm around him in return. "Good to see you!" says Bob. "I only wish it was under better circumstances."

"Yeah," says Snake. "Gloria came in here earlier. She was crying so hard. I didn't want Jeremy in here. I, like, just didn't want the little dude to see me like this. It might, like, scar him for life if he sees his old man missing an arm. I'm actually getting a prosthetic limb in an hour. At least I won't look like the weird dude with the military antiques."

"Do you know who might have done it?" says Lisa.

"No. It could have been anyone. It could even be a chick, for all I know! I didn't recognize the voice. All I know is that the dude called himself the Reaper, and he was, like, real disgusted with me."

"Yes," says Bob. "And I'm sure he's a regular contribution to society himself."

"We better find out who the Reaper is, fast!" cries Lisa. "There's no telling who will be the next victim! It could be anyone in town!"

Snake collapses on the bed. Then the four of them hear a weird sound, like paper crinkling. "What the-?" He finds a folded sheet of paper in hos back pocket. He looks at it, gasps, and his face loses its color. "I think I know how to find out who the next victims will be."

It is a list of names. The names read _Bernard Gumble,__Chester Turley__, Clancy Wiggum, Krusty the Clown, Joe Quimby_. . .

Bart gasps in horror. "Oh my God! Dad's name is on there!" Lisa screams.

"Yeah," says Snake. "And that's not all." He gulps. "B-Bob, uh, I don't really want to tell you this, but, uh. . ."

"Oh, dear," says Bob, grasping the list with a trembling hand as he reads the name _Robert Underdunk Terwilliger II_. "Well, it's obvious the police are accomplishing nothing, and at this rate, by the time they discover so much as one clue, everyone on this list will be dead. That means we shall have to take matters into our own hands."

"Hell yes, dude!" says Snake. "I'd love to give that turkey what's coming to him!"

"Why should we?" demands Bart.

"We have to, Bart," says Lisa. "The Reaper's going to kill Dad. We don't have a choice."  
Bart sighs. "I guess you're right, Lis."

"So, who's with me?" asks Bob.

"You can totally count me in, dude!"

"We're on the case!"

"Whatever. We'll stop him like we've always stopped you!"

Bob scowls at this a little but doesn't reply. "Let's stop the Reaper's reign of terror," he says as they all put their hands in.

**Well, there you have it. The investigation starts in the next chapter. Who is the killer? Find out and give feedback please.**


	2. Chapter 2: An Unlikely Team

**Chapter 2: An Unlikely Team**

**Disclaimer: I'm in no way affiliated with Matt Groening or FOX Studios. I'm glad this story has received so many good reviews. My poll has been deleted for two reasons. First, no one has voted. And second, I think I've figured out who it will be already. But I would still love to hear your guesses in a review.**

Being inconspicuous had never been easy for Sideshow Bob, for painfully obvious reasons. But now he had to, because anyone could be the Reaper. Anyone could be planning to kill him. He was wearing a top hat to conceal his trademark hairstyle, a black trenchcoat two sizes too big, a pair of oversized sunglasses, and he had folded his enormous feet to make them appear normal-sized, like when he was impersonating Walt Warren, and stuffed them into a pair of Doc Martens.

He looks around and sees a man wearing a slightly oversized gray jacket covering up his arms entirely, and Bob knows there is a snake tattoo on one arm and a hook at the end of the other.

Snake is followed by two small spiky-haired shadows, and all four of them go in the secret meeting place they agreed on, the library basement after it closed. They take some seats and Lisa turns on a flashlight.

"All right," says Bob. "It's time to figure out how to put an end to the Reaper. We should start with what we know."

"Which is what, exactly, Sideshow Bob?" demands Bart. "Besides the fact that we're obviously insane by agreeing to work with you?"

"I don't like this arrangement anymore than you do, Bart Simpson," says Bob. "I would gladly slit your weak throat. But we have been given a common adversary here, and must put aside our feud, for now at least."

"He's right, Bart," says Lisa. "We have no choice."

Bob smirks. "You really should listen to your sister more often, Bart."

Bart grumbles. Then he starts to laugh and points at Snake. "Oh, man, why are you dressed like that?"

Snake has taken off his gray jacket with difficulty, and now Bart notices his unusual outfit. He is wearing a long-sleeved red shirt, a purple hat with a long feather, purple pants, and black boots. He grimaces, the sudden attention making him uncomfortable. "Uh, I was, like, reading _Peter Pan_ to Jeremy. I thought it, like, would be funny because my prosthetic arm hasn't come in yet." He shrugs. "They were low on plaster. So, I'm, like, stuck with this hook for a while. I always liked that book when I was his age." He glares at them. "I liked pirates, OK? Especially Captain Hook. So don't judge me."

"While I think that's nice of you, let's not get sidetracked here," says Bob. "Now, Snake, you're probably the most important person in this room."

"Why him?" asks Bart.

"It's because he's the only one of the Reaper's victims who has survived. He knows the most about him – assuming it _is_ a man anyway."

"Uh, Bob?" Snake says. "I'm not sure if you, like, realize this, but that creep only has two victims, including me. So of course I'm the only survivor if there was only one other. And that boozehound bought the farm. Our friend the Reaper made sure of it. And I was totally in the dark the whole time. I, like, hardly know anything about him!"

"Well, just tell us what you _do _know. We need a lead."

"OK. I didn't see his face. Just a skull on a TV screen. He disguised his voice, so that, like, will be no help to us at all. Uh, whoever it is knows me pretty well, I'd guess. Because he knew I can't stand being called Chester." Bart snickers on hearing that Snake's real name is Chester, but Lisa shushes him. "Anyway, let's take another look at the dead man's list. Maybe the future victims will give us a clue." He pulls it out and looks closer at the names. "Hmm. Like, how could _all _of these people have pissed of this Reaper dude that badly?"

"Let me see," says Bob. He takes the paper. He looks at the people he trusts, at least right now. Snake couldn't have been the Reaper because he was one of the victims. And while he knew better than perhaps anyone not to underestimate children, he just didn't think they were capable of this, or want to murder their own father. "Let's see, the targets are you, me, these children's father, the chief of police, our mayor, my ex-employer, and the late Bernard Gumble. There must be some connection between all of us that we're simply not getting."

"But what?"

"Well, the two of us are often cellmates. I frequently tried to kill Homer's children. Krusty was my boss. Both of us get in trouble with the law. I served a brief term as mayor of this accursed city."

"And Barney was Dad's best friend," says Bart. "Is that enough?"

"Maybe," says Lisa. "But I still feel there's something we're not getting."

"Is there anything else you remember from when you were the Reaper's captive?" asks Bob.

"Well, I don't think . . . Wait! I just, like, remembered something! He said I make him sick. What with all my robbing the Qwik-E-Mart, running scams, carjacking, and, like, other crimes. Do you think _that's_ the clue? Maybe it's because we all, like, have some kind of some kind of bad habit and that Reaper wants to kill us for it."

"That actually might make sense. I'm an attempted murderer, Quimby is a lecher, Krusty gambles and abuses various substances, Chief Wiggum is an obese, incompetent chump, Barney drank excessively, and of course Homer is an overall buffoon. The question is, _who_ would decide to become a vigilante to cleanse Springfield of all these people?"

A moment of silence, until Lisa says, "Do you know who would be interested in unhealthy habits? A doctor. And do you know who was mysteriously absent from the hospital the day Snake was taken in there?"

"Dr. Hibbert?" asks Bart.

"Yes, that is curious. He never misses a day at the hospital," says Bob. "Why would he miss one then? Maybe the good doctor has some new practices."

"Wait, you think the doc's behind this?" asks Snake, baffled. "He, like, doesn't seem the type."

"Well, it isalways the one nobody expects," Bart points out.

"Actually, it usually _is _the most likely suspect in 95% of murder cases," Lisa corrects. "The other five percent, it's just some random nut."

"The point is," says Bob, "maybe he is behind it, or maybe he has a legitimate excuse for taking time off. Either way, we should check him out. Anything else? Perhaps we should visit the scene of the crime. Do you know where it is?"

"I don't think so. It was, like, in the dark, remember? And in case you forgot I was losing blood, so things were blurry."

"I've got an idea!" says Bart. "You could let Santa's Little Helper sniff the list, and he could lead us right to that hell-hole. Don't hold it too close to his mouth, though, or he'll eat it, and we'll all be doomed."

"Not a bad idea, Bart," says his archenemy.

Later that night, while Homer is stuffing his face with a carton of triple chocolate ice cream and Marge irons clothes for the week, Bart and Lisa bring their greyhound outside on a leash. Snake and Bob stick their heads out of the bushes and motion for them to hurry up. Unfortunately, SLH starts barking at the two of them. They panic, as Lisa tries to quiet him to no avail. Just as Bart puts his hand over his dog's mouth, his parents come to the door.

"Bart? Lisa? What's going on out there?" demands Marge.

"Is it a burglar?" says Homer. "I've got the Defender!" he threatens. He comes out the door swinging his cinder block on a chain, but then he and Marge scream at the sight of them. "Aaaaah!"

"Aaaaah!" scream Bob and Snake. They jump back and fall on each other.

"Oh my God, it's Dr. Claw!" says Homer. "Don't make me call Inspector Gadget!"

Snake groans and slaps his forehead with his good hand. "Homer, that's not Dr. Claw," explains Marge. "That's Snake Jailbird and Sideshow Bob. You know, the criminal who lost his hand and the one who wants to kill our son."

"You know I'm not the _only _one-handed offender in town," mutters Snake. But Homer ignores him.

"Aaaaah! Sideshow Bob!" Bob rolls his eyes for having to go through this again. "He's been let out of prison _again?! _Man, you must have been behaving _really_ good."

"Mr. Simpson, that doesn't matter now. What is important is that somone is planning on killing you."

"You're threatening to kill my husband!" screams Marge. "Go away before I get a restraining order on you!"

"No, not me. Someone else. I've never been interested in taking _your _life, Homer."

"Yes, you have," say the Simpsons.

"OK, I have. But I've usually only desired murdering young Bart. And I don't even want ot do that now."

"Is it Patty and Selma?" asks Homer.

"No, Homer. Well, maybe . . . No."

"Is it Frank Grimes, Jr?"

"We don't know! That's what we're trying to uncover!"

"We?" asks Marge.

"That's right, Mom," says Lisa. "Bart, Bob, Snake, and I are trying to stop the Reaper."

"How?"

"We've, like, got his list," says Snake, holding it up to show them. "Everyone he wants to kill is on there. Look, I'm the second dude on the list."

"I'm also a target," adds Bob.

"Oh my God, Marge, they're right! I'm on that guy's hit list! What are we gonna do?!"

"We've got a plan, Dad," says Bart. "Santa's Little Helper is going to sniff that list and try to trace it back to the Reaper."

"In the meantime, you should probably call the police and tell them who the targets will be," suggests Lisa.

"OK," says Marge, "but why should we trust them? After all they've done to us?"

"Well," says Lisa, "Snake lost his hand and is desperate for revenge. Plus, since he's the Reaper's only surviving casualty, he knows more about him than anyone. He's already been very helpful."

"It's all Bob's idea," says Bart. "He thinks we should because all our lives are at stake. And I hate to say this, but he is a genius." Bob looks pleasantly surprised at this flattery from his rival. "Even though he's never successfully killed me. Or anyone. I can't believe I'm saying this, but joining forces may be our only hope to survive."

Marge sighs, knowing she's about to give in. "All right. But do you two _promise_ not to hurt my babies? Because if anything happens to them when they're with you, I'll do the Reaper a favor and kill you myself. Do you understand?"

"Madam, you have my word," Bob reassures, as Snake nods in agreement.

"We'll be fine," says Lisa. "We have Santa's Little Helper with us."

As the surprising alliance walks off in search of answers, tears come to Marge's eyes. "I can't believe it. My babies are solving their first murder mystery."

**Little do they know the terror they will be faced with soon. I was originally going to make this story three chapters long, but I received a request to make this as long as possible, so it might be between four and five. The next one will be completed ASAP.**


	3. Chapter 3: The Last Laugh

**Chapter 3: The Last Laugh**

**Disclaimer: If I owned The Simpsons, I would make this a Halloween special. But I don't, so I can't. I'm pretty excited because Sideshow Cellophane 26 gave me a review, and I happen to be a fan. Well, while the previous chapter may have been lacking in action, things will get more exciting in this one. **

Santa's Little Helper sniffs, barks, and points to an abandoned candy factory. "This is it?" asks Bart disbelievingly.

They walk up to the front door. "Just think," murmurs Bob, "could the answers we're looking for be behind that door? There's only one way to find out." He knocks. Nothing. "I doubted that would work!"

"Stand aside," says Snake. He makes a hole in the door with his hook, and then reaches through and turns the knob. The door swings open. "I guess having this thing has some advantages."

They survey the dark room. "Do you think this is the place?" asks Bob.

"I can't tell. Is that a light switch?" He flips it and gasps. "Yeah, it is. Has to be."

The room is a mess. There is a gurney in the corner with some wires and a large knife covered with rusty stains. There is no doubt in anyone's mind that they've found the crime scene.

"What do you think those are doing there?" says Lisa, pointing to some empty mugs in a corner.

"Maybe he had a celebratory drink," said Bart.

"Well, I'll bet, like, they have something to do with Gumble," says Snake. "So, what are we, like, looking for?"

"Clues, of course," says Bart.

"Very specific."

Bob finds a curly black hair on the ground. He examines it. "Hmm. This may narrow it down."

Just then, the TV kicks on, and the leering skull appears on the screen. "Is that-?" Snake nods, the memory fresh in his mind, shuddering.

"Well, well, well," says the Reaper. "Back so soon, Chester? And you brought some friends with you?" He laughs. "I have to admit, you're making more progress than the police. But don't expect much more than that. You can't stop me, no one can. Springfield's reckoning will come. I'm not crazy. You've all had this coming for a long time. And I'm not unfair. I gave you a chance to get out, didn't I? Just like I gave Barney a chance to live. Too bad for him, after he was freed, he couldn't keep himself from taking just one drink. He had no one to blame for his demise but himself. And I decided to give you a chance to save this city from me, just to make it more interesting for me, like a game. Do you think it was an accident that you found my list? No, I planted it on you while you were unconscious and I expected this exact situation. Everyone on that list had it coming. Don't believe me? Open the door." He laughs again, and disappears.

They look at the door cautiously. Lisa turns the knob and it swings open instantly. "The Reaper must really want us to see what's behind this door."

Curiosity forces Bart to stick his head through the door. He screams. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KRUSTYYYY!"

They all peer in shock at the sight of the clown's corpse. His limbs are dislocated and his spine is stretched. Bart collapses to the floor and begins sobbing loudly. "No, no, no!" he cries, pounding his fists on the ground. He looks at the others' faces. Lisa seems sad, but not as much as him. After all, he wasn't her hero, he was more of a cautionary tale to her. And he was nothing to Snake.

But Bart was surprised to see a tear slide down Bob's face. "Y-You hated Krusty!"

The former sideshow shakes his head and sighs. "I stopped hating him a long time ago. We had our good times. I admit it, there was a time when I wanted him dead. But now that it's happened. . ." He sighs again. He closes Krusty's eyes, silent tears streaming. "Farewell, sweet jester. May your suffering be over, for I fear ours has just begun."

The Reaper reappeared on the screen. "Well, well, well. I never told you what _order_ I would kill my victims in, did I? I'll probably come for you four last, well, next to last. Maybe I should save Piggum for last. After all, you pose a greater threat. Do you want to know how I did it? I had him shackled to the wall. I reminded him of his sins, including his gambling. I told him there were two ways out. The first, and simplest, is death. The second is solving this game. It was simple, really. I put him on a rack, and then wired him up to four miniature horses and told him that because he liked betting so much, he had to pick the right one or he would die. Obviously, he chose wrong! Until next time. Tick tock," says the Reaper, before laughing maniacally and disappearing once more.

Dark storm clouds fill the sky, and thunder rumbles faintly. Ideal funeral weather. Many people attend Krusty's ceremony. Since it's a celebrity funeral, Kent Brockman is covering it live. The Simpsons are there. So are the Terwilligers, except for Cecil. Sideshow Mel is also mourning, as is Andy Hamilton, who briefly worked as a writer for Krusty, Mr. Teeny, Krusty's manager/lover Annie Dubinsky, his almost-wife Princess Penelope, many of his ex-wives, the police, his estranged daughter Sophie, half-brother Luke Perry, Bette Midler, Hugh Hefner, and his father Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky.

After the Rabbi says a few words, everyone pays their respects and walks up to the casket. Bob places a single red rose on it. "Adieu." Sophie touches the foot of the coffin. "Oh, Daddy, I wish we'd known each other better." Walking up to it is much too painful for Bart, who is practically drowning in his own tears. Mel deposits a bouquet of lilies and a picture of the two of them. He wipes his eyes, thinking of the fact that he is now unemployed.

And then Krusty's will is read. Luke gets nothing, and neither do many of his former wives. Sophie gets a diamond encrusted violin case. Penelope gets a music box that played their song and a pearl necklace. Annie gets twenty percent of this season's profits and a pair of diamond earrings. Bart receives $6,000 and a year's supply of Krusty-O's for helping Krusty out of so many jams. Bob is awarded $10,000 for all the years he was abused as a Sideshow. Mel receives $15,000 for being the current Sideshow and the fact that Krusty slept with his wife. The rest of Krusty's estate, including his fortune in cigars, is divided among his dad and Mr. Teeny.

As people begin to leave, our detectives are about to try to piece things together when they hear Mel cry out, "This is lunacy! Unhand me at once! I am an innocent man!" The police are trying to drag him away.

They investigate. "What is going on here, Melvin?" demands Bob.

"Robert, they think I did it! You must help me! I am innocent! I lost my job! I had nothing to gain!" The chief glares at him. "All right, except for $15,000. But I didn't know about his will! He never told me about it!"

"A likely story, Van Horne," says Chief Wiggum. "Do you expect us to believe he wouldn't tell the person who was closest to him?"

"First of all, I wasn't the _closest_ to him. That would probably be Annie. Or Mr. Teeny. He gained more than I did. Why don't you arrest _him?_"

"We are _not_ arresting a _monkey_. We have _some _dignity. Besides, monkeys are nowhere near smart enough to commit these kind of murders."

"Well, a lot _you_ know!" says Mel. "Haven't you read _Murders in the Rue Morgue_, by Edgar Allan Poe?"

"That's enough. Take him away, Eddie." Eddie puts him in the back of the car, but can't help but wonder if he's making a mistake.

"I wonder if they suspect Mel because of the _previous_ sideshow's actions," says Bart, giving Bob a very pointed look.

"Don't think that we haven't crossed you off the suspect list either, Bob," says Chief Wiggum. "You've tried to kill Krusty many times, framed him for armed robbery, and inherited a great deal of money. You look pretty guilty yourself, don't you think?"

"This is ludicrous. I only tried to kill him _two_ times. Besides, I didn't have any way of knowing about the will either."

"Well, maybe not, but did _he_ know?" he asks, pointing at Bart. Everyone gasps.

"No, he couldn't know either," says Lisa. "Chief, Bart was Krusty's biggest fan."

"You're, like, desperate for someone to arrest," says Snake. "Like, the worst cops _ever!_" He laughs at the chief's incompetence.

"What's so funny, Captain Crook? You haven't been ruled out yet, you know."

"What?! I don't even, like, have a motive! You're crazy!"

"We live in a crazy world, don't we, Chester?" says Lou.

Snake narrows his eyes at him. "_What_ did you say?"  
"We live in a crazy world, don't we, Snake? Hey, Chief, do you get the feeling the Reaper thinks he's doing our job?"

The police take Mel away for questioning. The sun goes down, a breeze begins to blow, and rain starts to fall. "Who do you think is next?" asks Lisa fearfully.

Raindrops hit Bob in the face. "I don't know," he says sadly. "It might be me, for all we know. I don't think we've really managed to figure out anything. If we don't soon, we may end up failing the entire town."

Snake says nothing, desperately trying to solve the mystery in his head, one that threatens not his life, but the love of his life Gloria, his son Jeremy, and his friend Bob. He feels the answer is closer than they think, but he just can't . . .

A twig snaps. Someone's coming. It's too late to run, as the figure approaches them . . .

**Are they being watched by the Reaper? You would think writing would get easier with experience, not the other way around. I'll try to update soon. Don't forget to review!**


	4. Chapter 4: I'll Be Back

**Chapter 4: I'll Be Back**

It's too late to run, as the figure approaches them. It seems to be a rather large person wearing a red hood and carrying a mysterious box. He – or she – pauses. "He he he. I didn't mean to give you such a fright," he says in a voice they know at once.

"Dr. Hibbert?!" they say.

He removes his hood. "Yes. I apologize for all the cloak and dagger, but it was urgent that I reach you, Mr. Jailbird. It's time I give you what you deserve," he says ominously. He laughs at the expressions on their faces, and then he opens the box. "I meant your new arm."

Sure enough, a prosthetic arm is in the box, and it's an exact replica of the one Snake lost. "Whoa. It's, like, about time. Thanks, Doc."

"What do you know about the Reaper, Dr. Hibbert?" demands Bart.

"I'm afraid no more than you, Bart. Probably less, actually. Well, I better attach this arm soon. I have a fun run this evening."

An hour later, Snake is with his family and has two arms once more. "It's like it never happened at all." He's watching TV with Jeremy, and Gloria is checking on their baby girl, Rosie. She has her mother's dark brown hair and her father's hazel eyes. **(A.N: Gloria was shown to be pregnant with Snake's kid in one episode, so he or she was probably born by now.) **

"Daddy?" Jeremy asks quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Why have you been gone so much?" Snake hears a hint of accusation in the question. He sighs.

"Well, kiddo, this is, like, a real dangerous time. Do you remember when you saw me with just one arm not long ago?"

Jeremy nods. "Yeah, I remember. But you're all better now."

"That's right. Well, some total nutcase, like, was responsible for that, and he's, like, still out there. The reason I've been gone so much is that I've been, like, working with some other people to make sure he, like, doesn't hurt anyone else."

Jeremy's eyes widen, and he starts to shake. "Really? Do you think he's after me?"

"I doubt it. You're, like, just a kid, you didn't do anything. Although this guy seems pretty unpredictable. But I won't let him, like, do so much as look at you funny." He looks at the clock. "Hey, Jeremy, it's bedtime."

Jeremy pouts. "I don't like bedtime."

His dad leads him to his room. "I know, right? It's, like, the absolute _worst_. But, hey, it's, like, one of those necessary evils."

As Snake tucks him in, Jeremy asks him, "Can you promise me something, Daddy?"

"Of course, little dude."

"I think you'll probably have to go again to stop the bad guy. But please come back. You'll be back, right?" Jeremy looks at him with wide, frightened eyes.

At first Snake doesn't know what to say. But then he realies there is only one answer he can give. "Yeah, I'll be back."

"Really?" asks Jeremy eagerly, eyes lighting up. "Y-You promise?"

"Of course. I promise, kid. Everything's going to be all right. Don't you worry now, little dude. Now go to bed." He watches Jeremy close his eyes, ruffles his hair, and turns off the light. He sighs. This one of the few times in his life that he feels like he might cry, because he wonders if he will be forced to break his promise.

Then Bob calls him. He, Bart, and Lisa have found some new leads they want to tell him about in person. He isn't thrilled at the thought of having to go out again so soon, but thinks that, like bedtime, it's a necessary evil.

He goes into Rosie's room, and smiles while watching her sleep. As he turns to leave, Gloria stands in the doorway. "You're going again, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Guess so."

"Well, I guess you don't have a choice, do you?" she says, close to crying herself. He shakes his head. "Just don't do anything stupid." They kiss.

When Snake steps outside, they're already there. "What's so important?"

They hand him a letter. "This was in our mailbox," says Lisa. There is no address on it.

He reads it. _I bet you thought I was dead, didn't you? Think again. I'm coming back, and I'm bringing all of Springfield down! Especially you Simpsons! You ruined me, and I'll get even. I swear it! I know I said it would probably be a while before I killed four certain meddlers, but I think you may know too much. See you soon._ "Does it sound _familiar_?" Bart asks Bob.

"_Why_ must you ask me that?"

Snake ignores them. "It, like, _sounds_ like the Reaper."

"That's what we thought too," says Lisa. "But take another look at his list."

He does, and then realizes something about the two papers. "Different handwriting? Like, what's going on here?"

"We think there is one possibility," explains Bob. "The author of this letter references the Reaper's earlier words, so there _must_ be a connection. The different penmanship on the list and this new clue can only mean. . ."

Snake already figures out what he will say it means. "He's not working alone?!"

**I bet you didn't see that coming. This chapter really shows Snake's soft side. I knew he had one, at least towards his son. I wonder what your theories are right now. **


End file.
